Holding your baby close is a special bonding experience, but there are times when you need to put them down. Whether it’s to use both hands for household chores or to take a moment for yourself, the reality for many parents is that their baby might burst into tears the second they’re set down. This can be frustrating and exhausting, leaving you wondering if there’s a solution.
In this guide, we’ll explore why babies cry when put down, common developmental stages that may contribute to this behavior, and practical strategies to help your baby feel more secure when you need to put them down. With patience and understanding, you can ease your baby’s distress and create smoother transitions between holding and setting them down.
Why Do My Baby Cries When Put Down?
Babies are wired to seek physical closeness, especially in the first months of life. When they cry after being put down, it’s often their way of communicating that they need more comfort. Understanding the reasons behind your baby’s tears can help you respond more effectively and meet their needs.
1. They Want to Be Close to You
Newborns thrive on physical contact. In the womb, they were constantly surrounded by warmth, the rhythm of your heartbeat, and the feeling of being snug and secure. After birth, your baby continues to rely on these comforting sensations to feel safe.
Being held close helps them regulate their body temperature, heart rate, and even their breathing. This is part of why they may start to cry when separated from your touch — it’s not just a desire for comfort, but also a biological need.
Tip: Holding your baby as much as possible, especially in the early months, won’t “spoil” them. In fact, this kind of close contact helps them feel secure and develop strong attachments.
2. Startle Reflex
One reason newborns cry when put down is the Moro reflex or startle reflex. This reflex is an automatic reaction in which your baby will fling out their arms, arch their back, and sometimes even cry out. The abrupt movement can be unsettling for them, especially if they were previously calm or sleeping.
The Moro reflex typically fades away by the time your baby is about 2 months old. In the meantime, being mindful of how you lay your baby down can help reduce its effects.
Tip: Try placing your baby down gently and keeping one hand on their chest or belly for a few moments after they’re lying down to create a smoother transition.
3. Fussy Periods and Crying Phases
Crying is normal for all babies, but some babies are naturally fussier than others. A well-known stage of crying in newborns is the period of PURPLE crying, which often peaks around 6 weeks and can last up to 4 months. This period is characterized by prolonged crying episodes that can feel relentless, especially in the evening.
The term PURPLE is an acronym that describes the common characteristics of this phase:
- P: Peak of crying – Crying intensifies at around 6 weeks.
- U: Unexpected – The crying can come and go without any obvious reason.
- R: Resists soothing – No matter what you try, sometimes nothing seems to calm your baby.
- P: Pain-like face – Your baby may look like they’re in pain even when they’re not.
- L: Long-lasting – The crying can go on for hours at a time.
- E: Evening – Crying is often worse in the late afternoon or evening.
Understanding that this period is temporary can be reassuring, even though it can be emotionally challenging for parents.
Tip: During this phase, it’s important to take care of yourself. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s okay to put your baby down in a safe place and step away for a few minutes to breathe.
Why Does My Older Baby Cry When Put Down?
As your baby grows, their needs and behaviors change, but some may still resist being put down. Older babies might cry when separated from you for different reasons than newborns. Here are a few common explanations:
1. Separation Anxiety
Around 8 to 9 months, many babies begin to experience separation anxiety. At this stage, they start to understand object permanence—the idea that people and things still exist even when they’re out of sight. As a result, when you leave their immediate view, they may become distressed, not yet understanding that you’ll return soon.
This is a normal part of development and is actually a sign of healthy attachment. However, it can feel overwhelming for parents, especially when simple tasks like putting your baby down for a nap or leaving the room for a minute lead to tears.
Tip: Practice short, gradual separations to help ease your baby’s anxiety. Start by leaving the room for a few seconds and then returning with a smile, reassuring them that you always come back. Over time, extend the duration of your absence to help them feel more secure.
2. Inability to Self-Soothe
As babies grow older, some may struggle with the transition from being held to falling asleep independently. If your baby is used to being rocked, fed, or cuddled to sleep, they may wake up crying when you put them down because they haven’t yet learned to self-soothe.
The ability to self-soothe is a developmental milestone that varies from baby to baby. While some may pick up this skill relatively quickly, others need more support.
Tip: Establish a consistent bedtime routine that includes calming activities like reading a book or gentle rocking. Try putting your baby down while they’re drowsy but still awake, so they can begin to learn how to fall asleep on their own.
Practical Tips for Soothing Your Baby
Now that you have a better understanding of why your baby may cry when put down, let’s explore some practical strategies that can help ease their distress and make these transitions smoother.
1. Swaddling
For younger babies, swaddling can create a comforting environment that mimics the snugness of the womb. A well-wrapped baby will feel more secure and less likely to wake up from the startle reflex. Ensure the swaddle isn’t too tight, and stop swaddling once your baby shows signs of rolling over.
2. Babywearing
Using a baby carrier or sling can be a lifesaver for parents who want to keep their baby close while still having their hands free. Many babies love being worn because it mimics the womb’s closeness and movement, which can be soothing. Babywearing can also allow you to get things done around the house or go for a walk while keeping your baby content.
3. Use a Bouncer or Swing
If your baby cries when put down on a flat surface like a playmat, try a bouncer or swing instead. The gentle, rhythmic motion of these devices can help soothe your baby and may even lull them to sleep. Just remember to always follow the manufacturer’s safety guidelines.
4. Create a Soothing Environment
Sometimes, a calming environment can make all the difference in helping your baby feel comfortable when they’re not being held. Consider using soft music, white noise machines, or dim lighting to create a peaceful atmosphere that encourages relaxation.
Tip: A consistent nap and bedtime routine that includes these calming elements can help signal to your baby that it’s time to rest.
5. Ask for Help
Parenting can be demanding, especially during the early months. Don’t hesitate to ask for help from friends, family, or your partner when you need a break. Whether it’s a quick shower or a chance to nap, having someone else step in can help you recharge.
6. Sleep Training for Older Babies
By the time your baby is 6 months old, they may be developmentally ready to start learning independent sleep skills. Sleep training methods vary, from the cry it out method to more gradual approaches like the Ferber method or no-tears methods. The key is to find a method that aligns with your parenting style and your baby’s temperament.
Tip: Whatever sleep training approach you choose, consistency is crucial. Stick with it for at least a week before deciding if it’s working for your baby.
Taking Care of Yourself as a Parent
Hearing your baby cry can be stressful and emotionally draining. It’s essential to remember that it’s okay to feel frustrated or overwhelmed. Taking care of yourself is just as important as caring for your baby.
Here are a few self-care tips for parents:
- Take breaks when you need them: If your baby is in a safe place like their crib, it’s okay to step away for a moment to catch your breath.
- Seek support: Reach out to other parents, friends, or family members who understand what you’re going through.
- Rest when you can: Try to sleep when your baby sleeps, or take naps when someone else is watching your baby.
Conclusion
Babies cry for many reasons, and it’s often their way of communicating their needs. Whether it’s due to separation anxiety, the startle reflex, or simply a need for comfort, there are many ways to help your baby feel more secure when you put them down. By understanding your baby’s cues and applying soothing techniques, you can make these transitions smoother for both you and your baby. Remember, this phase won’t last forever, and with time, your baby will develop the ability to feel more independent.
